


How He Loves

by tinyginger



Series: Unshadowed Love [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Isabelle Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Big Brother Alec, Bisexual Jace Wayland, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Clary Fray & Simon Lewis are Best Friends, Cute, Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Disaster Alec Lightwood, Gen, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Good Sibling Isabelle Lightwood, Happy, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Isabelle Lightwood Ships Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Jace Wayland is a Lightwood, Lesbian Clary Fray, Lightwood Family, Lightwood Siblings, Lightwood Siblings Feels, Magnus Bane Is A Freewheeling Bisexual, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Major Character Injury, Major Illness, Maryse Lightwood Redemption, Miscarriage, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Isabelle Lightwood, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Past Child Abuse, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Isabelle Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Protective Magnus Bane, Robert Lightwood Being an Asshole, Sad, Sad and Happy, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24363976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyginger/pseuds/tinyginger
Summary: Alec never had an easy life, and he never received love excessively. So, he gives as much love, comfort, and protection to those he loves so they don't feel the way he does.Basically examples of how Alec shows his love and how people show/don't show their love to him. Also if he will adopt you as his little sibling, it's what big brother Alec does.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Maryse Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Max Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Robert Lightwood, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood, Clary Fray & Simon Lewis, Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Maryse Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Maryse Lightwood/Robert Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland
Series: Unshadowed Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1762078
Comments: 14
Kudos: 116





	How He Loves

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 3am... and now we're here.

Alec never received much affection, and when he did it was brief and shocking. His mother loved him so deeply that it hurt her heart to watch him grow up, but she wasn’t one to coddle. Sometimes, a lot of the time, she wished she could be, but the situation her family was in made it nearly impossible for her to love on her baby boy and allow him that comfort of being held, being cuddled, and getting all the attention and affection he craved. 

He seemed to have been doomed from the start. His family’s reputation was tarnished and soaked in blood and betrayal, the Lightwood name synonymous with the Circle and therefore Valentine. His mother, the Circle’s second in command, and his father, a cheat, an adulterer, and a recruiter for the Circle. He was born early, a trait that stuck with him as he grew, always early. But he was born too early so he was too small, and too weak. Neither were speaking traits of Shadowhunters. 

He was born sick. Something his father would tell him later in life when he discovered his son’s appreciation of male anatomy. His mother had coddled him when he was born, too sick herself to get out of bed. Valentine, his honorary uncle for a time, was rather nice to the Lightwood infant and often checked on him when his parents were too tired to get up and help their sick son. 

He grew up tough, something a sick little Shadowhunter must do. He was the Lightwood heir, destined to do great things, and fated to amend their reputation. He grew up knowing his Uncle Valentine was a bad man, but not knowing why. He grew up questioning if his parents truly loved him. He grew up lonely, scared, and far too quickly. 

His saving grace was when his mother sat him down one day and told him he was going to be a big brother. The following nine months were filled with excited anticipation and happiness he hadn’t known before. His mother was softer during her pregnancy, giving him a chance to grow closer to her. He’d climb into bed with her when she was feeling too sick to get out of it, and he’d lie next to her, his tiny fingers gently tracing the runes on her arms. She’d often pull him close to her, his back against her chest, his head resting on her pillow and she'd sing to him. He cherished that time. He felt warm, safe, and loved. 

He wished it never stopped. 

But one day, his mother had kissed him on the forehead and his father and sent him to go train with Hodge. After too many hours, his father came to get him again. Robert had scooped him up and carried the tired child to the infirmary. Tears started pricking at Alec’s eyes as they got closer to their destination, his heart was beating too fast and he couldn’t breathe right. He knew something had happened, something bad always happens when they went to the infirmary.

Robert hadn’t noticed. He just continued walking, holding his shuddering son close. 

By the time they reached Maryse and little Isabelle, Alec was nearly sick with panic, but all of that washed away the moment he saw his sister. 

“Alec,” his mother whispered, her face holding a tired yet blissful smile, “would you like to meet your sister?” 

Alec nodded and his eyes widened as he father set him on the hospital bed next to Maryse. He reached out for the bundle his mother was holding and flinched when his father grabbed his shoulder a little too tightly. 

“Careful Alec, she’s not a toy.” Robert scolded, already protective over his little girl. 

To Alec’s surprise his mother glared up at her husband, “he knows Robert, I trust him more than most with her.” 

“He’s a child,” his father insisted. 

“He’ll be gentle,” Maryse smiled and looked to her son, “won’t you Alec?” 

Alec nodded, “Yes ma’am.”

His mother seemed satisfied with his answer and beckoned him to come sit with her. Once he was settled against the pillows, she placed the small bundle in his arms. His sister, only a few hours old, laid sleeping in his arms, most of the infant resting on his lap, but his arms were secured around her. Maryse helped him support Izzy’s head, but didn’t do much other than that. 

In that moment, as he sat on the hospital bed next to his mother holding his infant sister, he vowed to give her all the love and support she needed. That was the moment she became his.

He stayed by his mother’s side while she was recovering. Maryse would read to him, sing to him, and cuddle him while he held Izzy in his lap and Maryse held him against her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair and gently stroked Izzy’s cheek. 

Tenderness, gentleness, love and care were taught to Alec during those weeks. 

His mother taught him how to change diapers, and watched over him when he did it by himself the first time. She also showed him how to feed the baby, and how to hold her correctly, and how to burp her. She also taught him how to calm Izzy down when she was fussy and how to put her to sleep. Together, Maryse and Alec bathed little Izzy and dressed her in cozy clothes. 

A month in and Maryse started to notice dark circles under her almost three-year-old’s eyes. So, while Robert was tending to Izzy, Maryse took Alec to the bathroom and set him on the counter. He looked older, too old for his few years. He looked tired as well, a deep tired that Maryse had seen in many Shadowhunters after years of hunting, usually just before their last hunt. 

“Alec, is something wrong?” Maryse asked, her heart clenching at the glassy look in his eyes. 

“No?” his voice shook as he spoke, worried he’d done something wrong.

“Do you feel sick? Does something hurt?” 

Alec looked down at his lap and shook his head, “No, I otay.”

Maryse looked over her son, studying him, looking for signs of illness and injury. All she could see was the baby boy who had nearly died in her arms all those years ago. The baby boy who had come at such an inopportune time, when a war was starting and they were not safe. The baby boy who rarely cried, rarely made a fuss, and listened to orders better than most soldiers. 

A yawn, too large for such a tiny boy, escaped Alec causing him to nearly tumble forward off the counter by its force. Luckily, Maryse was standing in front of him, and his forehead landed on her chest as he leaned against his mother, taking refuge in her safety and warmth. 

“Are you sleepy?” Maryse chuckled, not really expecting an answer. 

Alec nodded and yawned again, “watch Izzy.”

Maryse quirked an eyebrow at his response, but continued to rub soothing circles on his back. He was falling asleep against her, but neither Lightwood cared.

When Izzy started crying in the other room, Alec’s head shot up and he was at attention. He started to wiggle away from his mother so he could climb down from the counter but Maryse stopped him. 

“Dad’s with her, don’t worry.”

Alec shook his head, “Izzy needs me.”

“She’s alright, Alec, your father is taking care of her,” Maryse told her son, moving some of his hair from his eyes.

“But-” tears started welling up in the young boy’s eyes as he glanced to the door of the bathroom. 

Izzy finally quieted down, which caused Alec to calm. He smiled up at his mom and blinked slowly. The circles under his eyes looked darker than they had moments ago, and it hurt Maryse to see her son that way. 

“Alec, are you not sleeping enough?” she asked. 

The small boy shook his head, “I otay, gotta watch Izzy.”

“What do you mean?”

“She cry,” Alec’s sigh was too large for his body, “gotta watch her.”

“Alec, have you been staying up at night watching Izzy sleep?” Maryse asked, not sure how to react. 

“No, I sits withs her and when she cry I holds her hand and sings,” Alec smiled. 

“Oh, Alexander,” Maryse felt tears in her eyes as she looked at her son, “baby, you don’t have to do that. It’s Dad’s and my job to tend to her when she’s fussy.”

Alec made a face that was a mixture of confusion and sadness, “but she cry.”

“I know, but that’s how babies tell you they’re hungry, or they need their diaper changed, or they want attention.” Maryse hugged her son and rocked him in her arms. “I know you don’t want your sister to cry, but it doesn’t mean she’s sad.”

“But… she need me.” 

Maryse let out a wet chuckle and held her son closer, “Yes, but Alec, you need to sleep.” 

“Can I sleeps withs you tonight?” Alec whispered, sound almost scared to ask. 

“Yes, I think that’s a great idea,” Maryse smiled. “Now, let’s get you in the bath and some cozy jammies and then we can get some sleep, how’s that sound?”

“Good.”

Maryse took her time washing her son’s hair. He had thick, black hair, with unruly curls that she loved to run her fingers through. Many of her friends who had children Alec’s age or older, constantly complained about their children putting up fights when it came to bedtime, bath time, nap time, cleaning up, staying quiet and still, and threw a fit when their parents left. But Maryse never experienced that. 

Alec never complained about bath time, he loved it. He was fairly independent and Robert and Maryse could kneel by the tub and tell him what to do and he could wash himself, but they liked to do it for him, their son was still their son no matter how capable he was, and in these private moments where the Clave wasn’t watching and no other Shadowhunter could criticize them, they liked to baby their son. 

They never really made Alec take naps, mainly because he didn’t like them and he didn’t seem to need them much. He wouldn’t put up a fight if Robert, Maryse, or Hodge tried to put him down for one, but he wasn’t fussy if he didn’t have a nap. So, they often just let him go until he crashed. Maryse often found him sound asleep curled up on a training room mat Hodge wasn’t using, his favorite armchair in the library, or the couch in his father’s office. 

But Alec was just a toddler and he needed his sleep. So Maryse bathed him, put him in some of his comfiest pajamas and carried him around their bedroom, rocking him as she sang softly to him. 

Robert finally got Izzy to sleep and laid in bed, watching his wife dance their son around the room. He loved them so deeply, his family was his everything. The Robert that sat watching his family was so far from the Robert that would cheat on his wife and nearly get his son killed on a mission. The Robert that smiled when Maryse made eye contact with him and they could feel the love in their gaze, would soon fall for Annamarie and yearn to leave his family for his mistress. The Robert, who was worried about his son in Maryse’s arms because he wasn’t getting enough sleep, would one day treat his son like a stranger because Alec would fall in love with a male Downworlder. The Robert who fell asleep with his wife’s cold feet pressed against his shins and his son sprawled across their chests, his tiny foot resting on Robert’s cheek, would hate the man he was to become. 

They were not the same person. They couldn’t be. 

Later in life, when he was older and knew himself better and had discovered the secrets of the Lightwoods, Alec would sit with Jace and theorize what happened to make Robert change so much from the man their mother married to the man who hurt them all. The Parabatai would talk about possible scenarios, always coming back to being severed from his own Parabatai when they were exiled. Neither boy could fathom the pain of living without the other, the death of a Parabatai was like losing half of your soul. But what would happen if the bond was broken? In a moment of self reflection, Alec admitted he would be able to deal with it if he knew Jace was still alive, but it would drive him crazy not being able to feel his brother. Jace agreed, but even then, neither could really think too hard on what a broken bond would mean for them. It was too painful to even think about. 

“It’s kind of sad, all the Parabatai we know personally have lost each other.” Jace mused while they sat on the balcony adjacent to Magnus and Alec’s living room, “That’ll never happen to us, right?”

“No,” Alec shook his head and put his arm around his brother’s shoulders, “we’re different from them.”

It was true, their bond was rooted in love and need for each other, not greed or the desire to be the best. Alec and Jace being the best was an effect of their bond, not the reason they had the bond, and that would always set them apart from their fathers. 

Alec’s love and the people he loved and loved him back would always set him apart from other Shadowhunters.


End file.
